Just can't get over it

There's a fight in my heart.

Do I really need a close friend, like a sister? To stick together all the time?

Can I get a moderate? A friend who know me, not to stick together all the time as I'm the kind of person who need extra personal space.

I've been very down since the mid-autumn festival. Pressure kills me. Lack of time spent with parents kills me. Maybe, loneliness kills me...

It's not time for blue mood, I don't have such time. But I just can't get over it. Am really down... Feels like crying all the time. Brother, sorry, I lied to you, I'm not fine..

I don't regret for pushing away my previously close friend whom I sticked together with. I got some friends to go to lunch together. Somehow, it's empty in my heart.

I burst into cry yesterday. Was really crying out loud when I reached my apartment in Bukit Jalil, luckily there was no one there yet.

Felt like going back to who I am when I was in primary school and the first and second year of secondary school. Totally disaster.

I know I need to talk to someone. When the list went through in my mind, there are people who I think I want to talk to but I gave up because I think I'll be laughed at if I ever speak out the reason of being down. There are also people who I really want to talk to but there's either a long distance between or the inappropriate relationship to chat personal's stuff.

And then... I end up crying to myself again.

Things start buzzing in my mind again..

Thursday rushing time for MUET, Human pysiology test, unfinished cheer leading banner, general chemistry poster that I don't contribute enough, article of vitamin A which I rewrite for the second time, distribution of notes improperly and being blamed, ...

Pressure and feeling of helpless...

It's killing me, really.

I'm a blast! A failure!!