Good Show!

发现到，31年不变的，是我还是孤寂的。

今天是在新公司独当一面的一天。我发现，已经没有什么可以随便撩起我的情绪了。还是有一些东西想要抱怨的，但是我已经不愿意去跟任何人抱怨了。

说了到10点钟，可不可以不要发声的，麦克风会收到声音。

伙伴那里，说好8点开始进场准备的；还不止迟到，简直没到（呃，好吧）。

“天不渡人，

唯有自渡。”

可以吧！反正我是挺享受演讲的。就是真情地真心地分享，多少观众都是很重要的。重质。

真的就好好地把自己变强哦！

可以为人付出，是幸福的。

我可以的。

我会做到的。

“渡人先渡己，

渡己先渡心。”

拍拍自己的肩，今晚good show。

下次状态更好，准备更充足，做得更棒！

Gaaa....

It's the loneliest feeling in the world. 

It feels like no one is going the same direction.

There's no one to walk together.

I guess I won't stop feeling lonely ever.

Well... not in a depressing kinda way. Just accepting thing as it is.

Why?

Hello blog, I'm back here cause I actually get anxious cause fb/wa/ig are all down.

This is insane.

And I've been alone in this condo for more than one month already. All by myself. I'm so lonely.

On top of that, work got a bit intense. Much to be done. 

Not to forget that nightmare from yesterday, I really need to see mom and dad.

This is me, crying out loud. Clinging on to any connection I can have.

This sucks.

I'm not that strong.

Or I've been trying to stay strong for too long now. 

Whatever it is, why :(

Why?

Talking about Goals

This is hard. 

Another cross road. This new chapter has been fun, except it's digging into my saving.

Saving is addictive. You started saving up, you want more.

Seriously, try it.

I've been trying this method to boost my confidence, like positive enhancement.

Each day, when you feel down, or demotivated, remind yourself of what you have achieve, even small stuff like exercise. Because losing weight is one of my recent goals.

Hmm... Not gonna call it a resolution, but I do realize I've been living goal-free life, and it's brought me... not somewhere I'm super proud to be. So here goes, my goals:

1. Lose weight and get fit to 57kg, like when I first enter society.

2. Continue to find my value.

3. Get married and have kids.

Well, above all, get through this pandemic safe and soundly. From the experience of MCO 1.0 and 2.0, we would rather come out stronger right?

Alright, number one, some times ago, I heard of this idea of setting a higher target, so even if you don't achieve it, you are at quite a good state. Hence the determination to set my target at losing 10kg. Oh yes, this isn't a typo, to lose 10kg. I'm already down 1 kg, which has been sustained for about a month now.

Instead of following diet plans and programs, I'd rather make changes progressively, which I can adapt and continue for the rest of my adulthood. On top of that, there are other parts in life that need adjusting alongside. I'll get there!

Secondly, continue to find my value. Sound vague huh. Alright, for the moment, I have identified my value as a little baker. I make unique pastries and have got some repeating customers who have followed me since last year. I should rephrase this goal to "continue to find my unique value". Something that, makes me unique in this society. 

Let me think this over... the value has been found, I should be building it moving forward. What do you think?

Getting back to this cross road... It's been less than 3 months going without basic salary. I feel bad.

Should I take that job? and feel financially secured... and only bake over the weekends?

Sigh.

Let me think it over after a good night sleep.